Monday, October 04, 2004
reminicing (is that how you spell it)
well, no matter how its spelt, that is the kind of mood i've been in lately. I was reading an old friend's online journal, and it got me thinking how out of touch with her i've become, though at the same time, she doesn't seem to have changed all that much. Just reading what she had to say brought back so many memories, which got me thinking about life before university, basically. A time when the big deal of the day was what to wear, and could i get away with wearing make-up without my mom noticing. And whether or not i had enough time to curl my hair. Anything to get any kind of attention from a boy, whether or not there was a specific one at that time or not.
I remember in gr 7, knowing no one in my class, or on the same lunch as me, until, while i was checking my homeroom with my mom, we ran into this girl i had been in brownies with (who of course I couldn't remember, and yet had a picture of us together). She brought me into her group of friends, who back in gr 7 were still accepting of generally anyone. Later in the year, we weren't as close, but I had made a couple other friends (one of which i would still consider myself very good friends with, the other i have lost touch with for the most part). I still would occasionally go skiing with this girl, but we eventually grew apart, and then the "new girl" arrived. She was alot of fun, and we became friends almost right away...from what i can remember. I can't remember now where she was from, only that being her friend earned me the name stimpy...b/c rarely at school were we apart, and that i always thought she was so cool. Looking at it now though, as good of a friend as she was, she only came to my house once, and wasn't always nice to everyone, especially this one girl in our class, whom I can remember on more than one occasion making fun of her with. This girl was there for me during my first so-called boyfriend, though it only lasted a weekend, for which i wasn't even home for (teachers convention to be exact). When i got back to school that tuesday, his friends had basically decide for him, that i was not going to be his girlfriend. After this, there were many rude notes exchanged, b/w his friends and mine...
In gr 8, on a certain band trip, this girl i had come to be good friends with at first, but grew apart, once she was no longer in my class, decided it would be fun, perhaps to steal shoes from payless (stealing shoes is dumb enough...but payless????) I guess that just shows all the usurity, and wanting to get accepted that happens in jr high. This was all about the same time, I got my 2nd, once again "so-called" boyfriend. This time there was a bit more to it. I would make behind the back phone calls to him every day my mom was working evenings, and we'd smile at each other in the hall...i still remember the butterflies, but he was a year younger, and inevitably became interested in someone else. It had taken 2 months to get to our (and my) 1st kiss, and never did we go on a date. Two weeks later the relationship was over, though i took a lot longer to get over him, and he was dating a new girl a few days later.
In gr 9, I had finally established a strong group of friends, who I'm still proud to call my best...i love you guys to pieces, and I don't know what i would do with out you. Band became more important to me, and i got a crush on a boy in band (once again younger than me, and actually friends with the one from gr8). We were mostly friends b/c of the mutual "friend", and when i asked him out, he said no, but would rather just stay friends. By this time i was taking things suprisingly well. This boy I would take forever (and i do mean forever) to get over. and i am happy to say that he is probably my closest guy friend, and the amount of things we've been through together, mutual experiences we've share have just been amazing.
and of course the inevitable high school...my hopes were high, though looking back, i think i was also scared out of my mind. This was it, the rest of my life was riding on what, and how i did. I stayed in band, only knowing 2 people...jacqui (I love you hun), and kevin magwood (who i've known since ecs, and the story i always tell is the time...i'm not actually sure when, but i think he put a snowball down the back of my neck, and i ended up throwing one in his face, i think. His mom called mine, but my mom thought i had good reason to get him back...kinda trivial (is that the right word??) now, but i think it deserves to be included). It was especially intimidating b/c jacqui was already in wind ensemble, and so i was in this woodwind class full of people who all knew at least someone, or they had a whole group of friends. Being how shy i was, i didn't get to know anyone until bates, and that would have been so much worse, had it not been for jacqui. That weekend broke the ice of course, as it was supposed to, and that was the "age of jason"...i remember pretty much all the girls crushing on him. Later on the "novelty" wore off, but i will never forget his excuse for missing our 730am band rehersal..."jason lee could not be at rehersal this morning, as he had no clean underwear"...oh man, what a character! This year was also the one of the older guy...ah yes, tyler manion. I thought he was everything, after our california band trip. He was older, had a car, was a total flirt...his only downfall was smoking, and many other things as i found out later...though it still took me a while to get over him. I remember on the plan to cali, sitting with him (before really getting to know him), and just talking with him about his little cousins...this may have been what i found so appealing about him...how much i could tell he loved little kids, adn what a good dad he would be, if he put his mind to it, and got rid of his bad habits...
Gr 11 was definetly the inbetween year...i don't really remember much exciting, other than being in wind ensemble (which i wouldn't have tried out for, if jacqui hadn't told me to), and getting closer to all you band types lol ... you guys rock, and i love you to pieces, though i never did give in to eating in the band room, which kept me from getting as close as some of you did.
Gr 12 was obviously the most memorable...b/c of how recent (though its getting to be a while ago now...) The year that kyle gustafson decided he liked me, and was going to ask me to grad apparently which freaked me out royally, b/c i saw him as only a friend. He didn't take the rejection well...though it wasn't actually regection, all he asked was if i wanted to do something on the weekend, to which i replied that i was busy (b/c i actually was), and he took it as a definete no...after which he avoided us, and said one of the most hurtful things i've ever heard: "You (in general...as in directed at my group of friends...all of us were single) guys always go for the guys you can't have." As true as it was...it wasn't at all fair. Then came the biggest boy dilemma thus far in my life. It was getting close to grad, and i knew that i wanted a date. I went through a phase...starting all thanks to mr sackatch, asking why no girls ever went for reid. I started thinking about it, and was like...why not (other than the fact that everyone called him asexual...as in he didn't seem gay, but we never saw him going after any girls)...that didn't last long...during the bc band trip, i kinda realized there was no chance, since we never talked, and i didn't think we ever would. I decided maybe vance would be more "within reach", and not going to lie...I had had a slight (by no means "hard core") crush on him for most of high school. As much as everyone thought he was so full of himself etc. I just saw the confidence...and maybe a little cockyness, but he's a guy what do you expect. I ended up confiding in a previously mentined guy friend, among pretty much everyone else, that i wanted to ask vance to grad. After I finally got up the nerve to ask him, and to which, as you all know, he said yes, I couldn't stop grinning. Then, talking to the previously mentined guy friend on msn, i found out this boy had a crush on me. And having never really gotten over, (just kinda put the feelings aside) the rejection in gr 9, i had to be honest with him, and say that i did like him to. a movie followed, as well as many make out sessions (for lack of better terminology), but never a real date, and our "relationship" was never made public...b/c this boy didn't want a relationship at this point...just a friend with benefits, which was fine with me when it was just us, but at school it hurt to see him flirt with other girls, adn yet nothing toward me. The so-called relationship continued throughout the summer, when i wasn't working at camp, adn he wasn't in norway. Then i left for university, and he got "interested in someone else" obviously...and soon had a real girlfriend. We stayed friends, and i think will for a long time...but I still have to question what he wanted those 5 months.
Once university started, it was back to making new friends again, which obviously would have been easier, had i left my room and actually participated in floor activities, though if you have been reading this, since i started it, you will know those stories.
I remember in gr 7, knowing no one in my class, or on the same lunch as me, until, while i was checking my homeroom with my mom, we ran into this girl i had been in brownies with (who of course I couldn't remember, and yet had a picture of us together). She brought me into her group of friends, who back in gr 7 were still accepting of generally anyone. Later in the year, we weren't as close, but I had made a couple other friends (one of which i would still consider myself very good friends with, the other i have lost touch with for the most part). I still would occasionally go skiing with this girl, but we eventually grew apart, and then the "new girl" arrived. She was alot of fun, and we became friends almost right away...from what i can remember. I can't remember now where she was from, only that being her friend earned me the name stimpy...b/c rarely at school were we apart, and that i always thought she was so cool. Looking at it now though, as good of a friend as she was, she only came to my house once, and wasn't always nice to everyone, especially this one girl in our class, whom I can remember on more than one occasion making fun of her with. This girl was there for me during my first so-called boyfriend, though it only lasted a weekend, for which i wasn't even home for (teachers convention to be exact). When i got back to school that tuesday, his friends had basically decide for him, that i was not going to be his girlfriend. After this, there were many rude notes exchanged, b/w his friends and mine...
In gr 8, on a certain band trip, this girl i had come to be good friends with at first, but grew apart, once she was no longer in my class, decided it would be fun, perhaps to steal shoes from payless (stealing shoes is dumb enough...but payless????) I guess that just shows all the usurity, and wanting to get accepted that happens in jr high. This was all about the same time, I got my 2nd, once again "so-called" boyfriend. This time there was a bit more to it. I would make behind the back phone calls to him every day my mom was working evenings, and we'd smile at each other in the hall...i still remember the butterflies, but he was a year younger, and inevitably became interested in someone else. It had taken 2 months to get to our (and my) 1st kiss, and never did we go on a date. Two weeks later the relationship was over, though i took a lot longer to get over him, and he was dating a new girl a few days later.
In gr 9, I had finally established a strong group of friends, who I'm still proud to call my best...i love you guys to pieces, and I don't know what i would do with out you. Band became more important to me, and i got a crush on a boy in band (once again younger than me, and actually friends with the one from gr8). We were mostly friends b/c of the mutual "friend", and when i asked him out, he said no, but would rather just stay friends. By this time i was taking things suprisingly well. This boy I would take forever (and i do mean forever) to get over. and i am happy to say that he is probably my closest guy friend, and the amount of things we've been through together, mutual experiences we've share have just been amazing.
and of course the inevitable high school...my hopes were high, though looking back, i think i was also scared out of my mind. This was it, the rest of my life was riding on what, and how i did. I stayed in band, only knowing 2 people...jacqui (I love you hun), and kevin magwood (who i've known since ecs, and the story i always tell is the time...i'm not actually sure when, but i think he put a snowball down the back of my neck, and i ended up throwing one in his face, i think. His mom called mine, but my mom thought i had good reason to get him back...kinda trivial (is that the right word??) now, but i think it deserves to be included). It was especially intimidating b/c jacqui was already in wind ensemble, and so i was in this woodwind class full of people who all knew at least someone, or they had a whole group of friends. Being how shy i was, i didn't get to know anyone until bates, and that would have been so much worse, had it not been for jacqui. That weekend broke the ice of course, as it was supposed to, and that was the "age of jason"...i remember pretty much all the girls crushing on him. Later on the "novelty" wore off, but i will never forget his excuse for missing our 730am band rehersal..."jason lee could not be at rehersal this morning, as he had no clean underwear"...oh man, what a character! This year was also the one of the older guy...ah yes, tyler manion. I thought he was everything, after our california band trip. He was older, had a car, was a total flirt...his only downfall was smoking, and many other things as i found out later...though it still took me a while to get over him. I remember on the plan to cali, sitting with him (before really getting to know him), and just talking with him about his little cousins...this may have been what i found so appealing about him...how much i could tell he loved little kids, adn what a good dad he would be, if he put his mind to it, and got rid of his bad habits...
Gr 11 was definetly the inbetween year...i don't really remember much exciting, other than being in wind ensemble (which i wouldn't have tried out for, if jacqui hadn't told me to), and getting closer to all you band types lol ... you guys rock, and i love you to pieces, though i never did give in to eating in the band room, which kept me from getting as close as some of you did.
Gr 12 was obviously the most memorable...b/c of how recent (though its getting to be a while ago now...) The year that kyle gustafson decided he liked me, and was going to ask me to grad apparently which freaked me out royally, b/c i saw him as only a friend. He didn't take the rejection well...though it wasn't actually regection, all he asked was if i wanted to do something on the weekend, to which i replied that i was busy (b/c i actually was), and he took it as a definete no...after which he avoided us, and said one of the most hurtful things i've ever heard: "You (in general...as in directed at my group of friends...all of us were single) guys always go for the guys you can't have." As true as it was...it wasn't at all fair. Then came the biggest boy dilemma thus far in my life. It was getting close to grad, and i knew that i wanted a date. I went through a phase...starting all thanks to mr sackatch, asking why no girls ever went for reid. I started thinking about it, and was like...why not (other than the fact that everyone called him asexual...as in he didn't seem gay, but we never saw him going after any girls)...that didn't last long...during the bc band trip, i kinda realized there was no chance, since we never talked, and i didn't think we ever would. I decided maybe vance would be more "within reach", and not going to lie...I had had a slight (by no means "hard core") crush on him for most of high school. As much as everyone thought he was so full of himself etc. I just saw the confidence...and maybe a little cockyness, but he's a guy what do you expect. I ended up confiding in a previously mentined guy friend, among pretty much everyone else, that i wanted to ask vance to grad. After I finally got up the nerve to ask him, and to which, as you all know, he said yes, I couldn't stop grinning. Then, talking to the previously mentined guy friend on msn, i found out this boy had a crush on me. And having never really gotten over, (just kinda put the feelings aside) the rejection in gr 9, i had to be honest with him, and say that i did like him to. a movie followed, as well as many make out sessions (for lack of better terminology), but never a real date, and our "relationship" was never made public...b/c this boy didn't want a relationship at this point...just a friend with benefits, which was fine with me when it was just us, but at school it hurt to see him flirt with other girls, adn yet nothing toward me. The so-called relationship continued throughout the summer, when i wasn't working at camp, adn he wasn't in norway. Then i left for university, and he got "interested in someone else" obviously...and soon had a real girlfriend. We stayed friends, and i think will for a long time...but I still have to question what he wanted those 5 months.
Once university started, it was back to making new friends again, which obviously would have been easier, had i left my room and actually participated in floor activities, though if you have been reading this, since i started it, you will know those stories.
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