.be happy for this moment.this moment is your life.

well, this is going to be very unexciting...I just wanted to make my 200th post on my 20th birthday!! Yikes :) though it was quite a good birthday!!! Thanks to everyone for the birthday messages and emails!

~*D.

p.s. the pic is care of deviant art***

My birthday is in less than a week. 5 days to be exact. Why am I not excited? It’s really interesting that as you get older, birthdays begin to mean less, unless they are some milestone like 30, 40 and 50 (but thank goodness I’m nowhere near there!)

When we were kids I remember being excited for weeks before the day. I would have the exact same birthday party every year: go to FLC (the wave pool), then come home to make mini-pizzas, eat cake (usually mocha or black forest…my 2 favorites) and then watch a movie and have a sleepover. And I will never forget the juice – strawberry punch, w/ ginger ale (to make it fizzy) and frozen strawberries in it. In the morning we would go to Heritage Park for the 12 days of Christmas (to go to the Kid’s only store, and generally get in the Christmas spirit). Every year my mom and I would find the perfect weekend – one where she wasn’t working. Those parties were always fun, even thought after I think my 7th or 8th birthday, I stopped getting formal gifts (from my friends) unless they were homemade (Sam’s were always amazing!), and we took donations to the food bank instead. I remember being kinda angry, but looking back now it wasn’t really a big deal. Give to the unfortunate and all.

It seems like when I hit university, birthdays stopped being so exciting. I mean, you would think that I would have got pissed drunk on my 18th, but instead I went out to dinner with my parents, and my grandparents from my dad’s side (and made the mistake of telling my brother about a guy that I was interested in…he didn’t drop it for probably at least 6 months). Sure I had quite a bit to drink (daiquiri, wine and amaretto), but it was a Saturday night, and I definitely didn’t go out to the bar until sometime in January – and didn’t end up drinking all that much that night either. Living in residence this is really surprising to me…but I guess that’s what happens when your birthday is right before exams. I did end up going out the next year…but it was kinda a flop. We went for dinner (me, roommates, and friends from rez), Bellinis included (haha), and then we were going out to the bar after, but it only ended up being me Tasha and Katherine…Katherine doesn’t drink ( I think she might have had 1), and Tasha didn’t have anything until she got some guy to buy a drink for her. I hate drinking alone…even at the bar. It just doesn’t feel right. That actually did end up being a good night (we met these 3 nice guys, who ended up giving us a ride back to HUB), but still something seemed to be missing.

This year is going to be, well interesting I guess. And this is probably why I’m not all that excited. I have a group presentation on the actual day (this Wednesday), and then the day after I have an oral presentation (on my own) about a fieldwork client (I’m nervous already…possibly b/c I haven’t practiced what I’m going to say), and then Friday is an all day conference (we have a 20 minute debate, and listen to everyone else’s). So really, my birthday is not at the best time. I can’t decide if I can go out for dinner on the day (if I wasn’t presenting the next day there would be no question…but I also think it would be better to go out, than sit at home and freak out about it!). And then I don’t know who is going to want to/can go out on the weekend. And I don’t really know where, b/c apparently the Standard is too chachie (spelling? I don’t even really know what that means). It’s just so frustrating…and birthdays are supposed to be fun, not stressful right? (Well not stressful when you are young anyway).

*sigh*

Trust is an amazing thing...

Science-
it is exact and demands exact acoustics. A piece of music is a chart, a graph which indicates frequencies, intensities, volume changes, melody and harmony all at once with the most exact control of time.

Mathematical-
it is rhythmically based on the subdivision of time into fractions which must be done instantaneously, not worked out on paper.

Foreign Language-
most of the terms are Italian, German or French and the notation is certainly not English, but a highly developed kind of shorthand that uses symbols to represent ideas. The semantics of music is a universal language.

History-
music reflects the environment and times of its creation, often even the country and/or racial feelings.

Physical Education-
it requires fantastic coordination of fingers, hands, arms, legs, cheek and facial muscles in addition to control of diaphragmatic, back, stomach and chest muscles which respond to the sound the ear hearts and the mind interprets.

Art-
music takes technically difficult techniques and uses them to create emotions and feelings.

I found this on another blog...and thought i would post it

So checking my email this morning (my u of a account no less), and what do i find?....

Dear Sir/Madam,
We have logged your IP-address on more than 30 illegal Websites.
Important: Please answer our questions! The list of questions are attached.
Yours faithfully,Steven AllisonFederal Bureau of Investigation-FBI-935 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW, Room 3220Washington, DC 20535Phone: (202) 324-3000

Seriously...people are spamming stuff now pretending to be the FBI. come on now. If i had oppened the zip file, I would have had a lovely virus...boooo, good thing i found this

take care everyone...and don't believe everything in your inbox~

nunquam desiit victus

i've been trying to figure out what this means for probably about a month, and i finally clued into it being latin for: never stop living (at least i think...correct me if i'm wrong)

things are so much more powerful in a different language.

I wish i could speak some cool language...and my sad attempt at french just isn't doing it for me. My turkish roommate must have a knack for languages, b/c she speaks turkish obviously, but she also speaks german, and english - and right now she is taking french, and possibly another language too. CRAZY! Seriously though, i really wish i had the memory and time to learn a conversational version of a language. I can' t even speak, let alone understand french in a conversation. The only kind of cool thing i can say is "bom nao no faz chichi de cama" (and i don't think i spelt it right)... any guesses? the only hint you get is it is portuguese.

and with that, i am going to bed

nunquam desiit victus

I'll stay right here with all these familiar faces
And shut-out everyone else from the world we created I
nstead of becoming the sick and twisted
I'll lose myself in a song again

And There's nothing wrong
In being far from right
Another skeleton song
Stuck in my head all night
And there's something wrong
When everything goes right
Another skeleton song
Will save my life tonight

Was it that hard - to open the door to faith
When everyone feels the same
A different face but on the same page
And I don't need something - that hurts more than nothing
So I lose myself in a song again

And There's nothing wrong
In being far from right
Another skeleton song
Stuck in my head all night
And there's something wrong
When everything goes right
Another skeleton song
Will save my life tonight

So I try my best to see
How you can relate to so much grief
Never stop forgetting why you came to be here
Everybody seems to be- crying themselves to sleep
Wake up for me and find another place to go

And There's nothing wrong
In being far from right
Another skeleton song
Stuck in my head all night
And there's something wrong
When everything goes right
Another skeleton song
Will save my life tonight

I was thinking this morning (courtesy of a prank phone call on the radio) about football, and desperate housewives…odd combination I know. Let me explain.

Why is it that there are sports bars for Monday night football, and watching hockey, football and sports in general for the guys (and girls I suppose) to go, but there are no places where women (I was going to say people, but I think there are very few men who watch desperate housewives) can go, have some cocktails and watch some high quality (haha) entertainment? Is it part of the whole male superiority thing, or is there actually no market for it?? Why is it that guys can say “I’m going out to watch the game with the guys”, but women get all kinds of (negative) attention for watching a tv show? It doesn’t really make sense to me. Maybe most of the women who would be the target don’t have time to go out because they have to put the kids to bed, make lunches, do dishes etc. But what is stopping them from telling their husbands “I’m going out with the girls to watch DH” (or any other show for that matter)?

And this doesn’t even need to have to do with a mainly female audience. Have you ever heard of some bar having a survivor night, or amazing race night? I haven’t. (but maybe I just live in a hole and don’t get out much…but that’s another story) and don’t tell me no one would be interested, because I highly doubt that. What about something like an O.C. marathon somewhere minors can go…teenagers would be all over that.

Seriously…it could be a whole new cash grab haha

(and if you are wondering where this random thought came from – on the morning show I listen to…no not sonic, I like my BEAR in the morning – the host called some sports bar, and said that “s”he (he raised his voice to sound like a woman) wanted to book the bar for a desperate housewives night on Sunday…and remember that Sunday is the semi-final between the eskies and the bc lions. He actually had the guy at the bar trying to explain why he couldn’t let the host book the bar on Sunday, and “have some spritzers” haha…it was gold!)

well...i was all ready to come and vent here - and now the anger is gone. sad. oh well....its is quite likely to occur again soon haha. and i just had to throw in a kasota tribute to the left...ah my mcgreggor :) (and just as an aside, right after that photo, he almost dropped me haha!)

I really wish i could write meaningful stuff, but instead it just sounds like any other journal. I know i've said it before, but everything always sounds so much better in my head.

and just to be random - you know whats funny: when a radio announcer has lost his voice b/c of screaming at a concert haha. and on the topic of radio, i'm actually quite impressed with edmonton's radio scene. well some of it anyway. there is an indie station here that i am quite a fan of. their website shows the current song they are playing (as well as a past history of the days songs - you just have to click on the time) - genious, absolute genious! and they are really good at not over playing songs - that really ticks me off. plus their commercial breaks are awesome cuz its like 1 or 2 ads, and then back to music - the way radio should be. and, if any of you are wondering what this amazing radio station is: http://radiosonic.fm/ ahh good times.

and of course now i remember what i was going to post today :

people that piss me off:

1. people that turn left in my direction when the light is most definetly red, and i am trying to cross the street.

2. people who run red lights when i am trying to cross the street, and i'm trying not to eat it on account of freezing rain.

3. people who have no idea where they are blowing their cigarette smoke, and it ends up in my face, while i'm trying to walk outside in the "fresh air".

4. people who don't give up their seats on the bus, when there is obviously someone who needs it more (however ppl who stand up for their rights are awesome....rosa parks anyone?)

5. people who are uber aggressive in mall food courts and steal table right out from someone who has been patiently waiting.

6. people who think they are too good to talk to someone

7. people who have all the money in the world an use it to get what they want (not need), when they could be helping other people who need the assistance more.

8. (even though i say it myself sometimes) people that say it will all work out in the end, especially when talking about relationships and guys -yeah i know it will, but most of the time i'm just venting, and i know it will work out, i'm just impatient - AND WHAT IF IT DOESN'T??

9. as trivial as it is: people who say "good" when they should say "well" (and not all the time, cuz i do it too...but there are times when it just drives me crazy)

10. people who lie and think they won't get caught

11. teenagers and people in general who swear copious amounts in everyday conversation (unneccessarily), especially in public places (like city buses), and when there are obviously small children around.

12. little girls who wear too much make-up (or any make up for that matter, unless they are in a dance competition or something) and for that matter little girls that dress like hooches and think they are in style - seriously what is wrong with their parents! come on people...

***I hope no one takes offence to this - it wasn't meant in that way!

Dorothy (i don't know if you read this), but your wedding announcement and photo were much appreciated mail today (the black-and-white looks awesome!)

*sigh* and now i am back waiting for... well i don't really know what - a change maybe?

start with 100%, then subtract 1% for each thing you have done...

Smoked. Drank alcohol. Cried when someone died. Been drunk. Had sex. Been to a concert. Given a handjob/gotten a handjob. Given a blowjob/gotten a blowjob. Been verbally sexually harassed. Verbally sexually harassed somebody. Felt someone up and/or been felt up. Laughed so hard something came out of your nose. Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend before. Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend. Been to prom. Cried at school. Gotten lost in a WalMart or a department store. Went streaking. Given a lap dance. Had someone of the opposite sex in your room. Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over. Slept over at someone of the opposite sex's house. Kissed a stranger. Hugged a stranger. Went scuba diving. Driven a car. Gotten an xray. Hit by a car. Had a party. Done drugs. Played strip poker. Got paid to strip for someone. Ran away from home. Broken a bone. Eaten sushi. Bought porn. Watched porn. Made porn. Had a crush on someone of the same sex. Been in love. Frenched kissed. Laughed so hard you cried. Cried yourself to sleep. Laughed yourself to sleep. Stabbed yourself. Shot a gun. Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day. Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours. Been online for 9 consecutive hours. Watched an animal die. Watched a person die. Had sex and/or messed around somewhere with at least 1 person present. Pranked somebody. Put somebody in the hospital. Snuck into someone's room and/or your own room after being out. Kissed somebody of the same sex. Dressed punk. Dressed goth. Dressed preppy. Been to a motocross race. Avoided somebody. Been stalked. Stalked someone. Met a celebrity. Played an instrument. Ridden a horse. Cut yourself. Bungee jumped. Ding dong ditched somebody. Been to a wild party. Got caught stealing something. Kicked a guy in the balls. Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend. Went out with your friend's crush. Got arrested. Been pregnant. Babysat. Been to another country. Started your house on fire. Had an encounter with a ghost. Donated your hair to cancer patients. Been asked out by someone that you never though you'd be asked out by. Cried over a member of the opposite sex. Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over 3 months. Sat on your ass all day. Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself. Had a job. Gotten cut from a sports team. Been called a whore. Danced like a whore. Been mistaken for a celebrity. Been in a car accident. Been told you have beautiful eyes. Been told you have beautiful hair. Raped somebody. Danced in the rain. Been rejected. Walked out of a restaurant without paying. Punched someone/slapped someone in the face

I'm in the weirdest mood right now

I got back to etown today, and went to get groceries with my mum. Then i just kinda unpacked and listened to my new cds (death cab...plans = new fav). I just kinda felt like i didn't want to be back. I was missing home and my girls there in less then an hour of being back. Not that i don't have good friends here too...its just different when the 2 I live with have their boyfriends, and the other 3 are kinda harder to see since only 1 has a car, and we live all over. i don't really know how to explain how i've been feeling all night. I kinda got used to being home, and even if i didn't see marnie and kari all that much, it felt...i guess....right. not that this feels wrong. and its not cuz i'm not used to it. I've lived away from home for 2 years. i just don't get it. i think its just one of those days were i feel like crying. i dunno.

anyway, enough depressing talk. went shopping on friday, and then spent the day at kari's on sat. got her to show me some make-up techniques :) now i just hope i don't break out b/c of it. we watched "its all gone pete tong"- which i didn't know anything about, but it ended up being suprisingly deep in amongst all the swearing, drugs, and alcohol haha - and "donnie darko" which is the most bizzare movie, i'm still so confused - think there was too much time travel stuff going on. if anyone understands it, feel free to explain!

being home was nice, but it makes me worry about my mom. she's so worried that my bro is getting into trouble, and he's constantly talking back to her and generally acting like an idiot. its not like he hasn';t always been like that. he's never really understood the concept of respect. but its getting worse. he's lying, and *shudder* looking at porn on the computer (ahhh history...tell you such interesting things). when my mom found out, i thought she was going to flip out completely. but all she said was "my brother used to have a playboy under his bed". we tried to figure out how he even searched for some of the stuff he found (some tame... and so REALLY raunchy) and had no idea - he definitely didn't google it from what we could tell anyway. i don't know whats goign on with him. i was packing my cds today and one was missing, so i went to ask him if he had it. he's like, oh i might. he found it and handed it to me but didn't say anything. i was like what??? "you can borrow my cd's if you ask" and gave him a look, and nothing - just his little smirk. honestly. i don't know what is up with him. i just hope my mom survives until i'm back again. apparetly there is very little "giggling" when i'm not around.


seriously what is wrong with me....why am i crying???

wow! less than a week left of clinical! i can't believe i'm almost done! Although right now i'm really hating the projects...so many papers, and really, i haven't written many papers since high school english, so i'm hoping what i've written is "university acceptable"! eek! and the other problem is one of them doesn't even have a very good guideline of what i'm actually supposed to write...how much more vauge could they be - honestly ?? (well, i'm sure it could be a lot worse, but it could be alot better too)

Other than my clinical i've been doing a whole lot of nothing! and i do mean nothing. All i do is sit at home on weekends mainly. i haven't been to see a movie at a theater in i don't know how long...august maybe? and there are so many in the cheapies right now that i want to see...grrrr though i do kinda understand kari and marnie's busy-ness, considering they are doing actually school work! I just kinda thought i would see more of them being in town for a month...

I re-certed my NLS last weekend, which went a lot better than expected. It was supposed to be from 1-5, but there was only 3 of us in the class (the one guy was kinda cute...i just have such a hard time if guys are just being nice, or if they are actually possibly intersted grrrrr. though i guess i guys answer to that would be - i'm not going to talk to you unless i'm intersted), and so i got out of there at 245ish! i was so impressed! so i figured i'd go down to see the annie's girls, which was fun! and i got free ice cream :) though i did help them with dishes and stuff, so i guess i kinda earned it! haha

and tomorrow i'm going to a baby shower for a friend of the family which should be fun....and if not, i know the food will at least be good, b/c its brunch! and i love brunch!

i can't believe how many ppl are married or engaged that i went to high school with - its insane, and i feel like i should almost be closer to that stage....like at least in some sort of serious relationship - but i'm no where near that no matter what i do. its really quite frusterating....and sometimes i can't help wondering if i never will be at that stage. its a scary thought, considering i do want kids, and obviously a husband for that matter

maybe things will change, but so far i'm not seeing all that much progress, and i'm not one to really stop always wishing for it, though they say, it iwll happen when you least expect it. BUT HOW CAN A GIRL NOT EXPECT IT???????