Friday, November 19, 2004
why am i not suprised?
frick
why do i let my emotions get the better of me ALL THE BLOODY TIME. geez. and how can i be so upset about something that wasn't anything "official" to begin with. I should have gone with my head...but instead i let my heart take over (though it was only lust, I was always aware of that) and get ripped to shreads. again.
i don't get how guys can make out with you, cuddle with you, kiss you on a regular basis, and also be doing that, and maybe more with other girls at the same. Yet they see it as non-committal, so its not "cheating"
frick
i'm not dumb, b/c i had a clue that it was happening, yet i thought this time it would be different. for just one time in my life can't something work out? is it really too much to ask? all i wanted was for once to feel needed, and that i was attractive to someone. enough that they would want to date me, and only me. it sounds selfish, but i just don't get it.
i feel used. i let him in when he obviously needed someone. stayed up late talking to him, b/c i thought it was going to work out. I let him come over when i needed to study for midterms because he needed a hug. this guy, that i barely knew, but that i felt as comfortable with as someone i have know for 6 years (but thats another story). sure, in the moment i wouldn't have not wanted it to happen, but why do things have to hurt so much when they are over?
(i guess on the plus side i don't have to explain to my mom that i met my boyfriend on the internet)
why do i let my emotions get the better of me ALL THE BLOODY TIME. geez. and how can i be so upset about something that wasn't anything "official" to begin with. I should have gone with my head...but instead i let my heart take over (though it was only lust, I was always aware of that) and get ripped to shreads. again.
i don't get how guys can make out with you, cuddle with you, kiss you on a regular basis, and also be doing that, and maybe more with other girls at the same. Yet they see it as non-committal, so its not "cheating"
frick
i'm not dumb, b/c i had a clue that it was happening, yet i thought this time it would be different. for just one time in my life can't something work out? is it really too much to ask? all i wanted was for once to feel needed, and that i was attractive to someone. enough that they would want to date me, and only me. it sounds selfish, but i just don't get it.
i feel used. i let him in when he obviously needed someone. stayed up late talking to him, b/c i thought it was going to work out. I let him come over when i needed to study for midterms because he needed a hug. this guy, that i barely knew, but that i felt as comfortable with as someone i have know for 6 years (but thats another story). sure, in the moment i wouldn't have not wanted it to happen, but why do things have to hurt so much when they are over?
(i guess on the plus side i don't have to explain to my mom that i met my boyfriend on the internet)
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