.be happy for this moment.this moment is your life.

the elevator look is basically looking someone up and down for those that don't know.

and yeah...freaking society - it sucks how influential it can be, and i don't try to let it dictate how i feel and what i believe, but sometimes it can't be helped...

by the way - did you just stumble upon my blog or from someone else?
 

You are over-thinking the hell out of sex and being a virgin, and how it will ultimately affect your relationships. Regardless of its original purpose, your blog is a never-ending broken record about your unrequited love that you’re wasting on every guy you’ve dated. You’re still in the mindset that there’s this perfect boy out there who will sweep you off your feet and give you that perfect sexual experience you crave. It’s time you learned that, for the large majority of twenty-somethings, sex is just happens in relationships. When it happens varies from relationship to relationship, but it’s not a huge deal. You are making it out to be this monumental affair, and it is scaring guys away– it would certainly scare me. Personally, I avoid dating virgins because of all the importance that is mistakenly placed on the first time. After you lost your virginity, sex becomes a great deal easier in your next relationship. Most everyone will attest to that. That’s not to say that it loses its value or intimacy. Rather, sex and intimacy comes faster as you begin to learn about yourself.

I don’t pretend to know the whole story, but from what I’ve seen, you need to relax and take it as it comes. In general, guys don’t want to hear that they’ll be your first sexual partner, and how important that is to you. Losing your virginity is a personal, private thing, and not one that must mean the same thing to who you’re sleeping with. I’m not telling you to run out and have sex with the first guy you see, but when you find yourself in a relationship next, wait until your ready, ask yourself if you would mind having this guy as your first sexual partner, and go for it. You’ll be happy you did.
 

Fernando- nope i don't mind other people reading it...its interesting to get another perspective...especially on what i'm writing comes across as to other people.

Anonymous - ok, well i do partially agree with you about over-thinking, but i am a girl, and that is what we do haha. and as to the purpose of my blog - you are right, it was never meant to be a "broken-record about my unrequited love...", it was meant to be something to keep in touch with my friends while all of us are away at different schools. It did turn into something more of a place where I can vent about things that are pissing me off, and it just so happens that it tends to be about guys the majority of the time. However, unless you have been reading from the beginning (which maybe you have...but why wait until now to commment?) i don't think you can judge me. Unless it is some desire buried deep in my psyche, the main thing i'm looking for in a relationship is NOT "that perfect sexual experience" - given that is a bonus in any relationship, i am looking for the guy that cares about me, and that also doesn't mean they have to sweep me off my feet (though i wouldn't argue with that). If you have read any of the archives, the things i value more are honesty, trust and communication (which i did have in my last relationship). I AM aware that sex is something that does just happen, and it was going to happen (we came close many times), until we had "the talk". And your point "I avoid dating virgins because of all the importance that is mistakenly placed on the first time." is exactly the problem. I don't need the first time to be perfect - at this point i do kinda just want to get it over with so that as you said, it will become easier in my next relationship. but then there is the part of me that wants it to be with someone i care deeply about. which is what is should be. having said that - it doesn't have to be perfect or anywhere near perfect, that isn't what i'm expecting.

and a question for you, when you say that "guys don’t want to hear that they’ll be your first sexual partner, and how important that is to you", are you implying that i shouldn't tell the guy i'm dating, that i am a virgin? b/c i'm pretty sure i should tell them before the sex happens rather than after. but really should i not tell them at all? (I'm not really expecting an answer to that - i think its kinda rhetorical).

and i'll have you know that i was ready in this past relationship. he told me that he didn't want to take my virginity, which kinda came as a shock, and was upsetting, b/c it basically meant that the relationship wasn't going to last (and i did care about him...obviously).

I am aware that i am unexperienced in this area, and that is the problem i have with all the pressure society has placed on virginity (and yea, i know i can take control of what i choose to let influence me from society), but when you say you personally avoid dating virgins, if most guys think like you, it doesn't bode well for me.
 

haha...fernando - thanks for all the advice etc.

i do know my human anatomy, so yeah i know the guy will know, but like you said communication is extrememly important, and trust me, i don't think anything will change about me communicating the fact that i am a virgin to the guy i am with. maybe it is a good test of whether or not they care alot (though i definitely shouldn't be the only indication).

and on the topic of J. i think you are exactly right. he did tell me, and he knew that he didn't do well with long distance, and I understand that, b/c i have had trouble with it in the past, but it did come as a shock that it was over, and i think that was the hardest part.

"An exgirlfriend of mine was afraid of sex under the following line "I'm afraid of being so intimate with somebody, breaking up with him and then looking at him walking around knowing he knows more about me than any other guy". Have you ever though about something like that?. " --> yes i have, but not to the extent that i let it influence my decisions. the fact that the guy does know every part of my body isn't a huge deal to me anymore. the first time yes, but i have gotten over that fact. its not like they are spreading naked pictures of me on the internet haha.

i like your kiss analogy alot - i think that is very true (with anything for that matter, not just stuff related to relationships).

and, i think i may have been off base about the whole society thing. it is more of the people i am hanging out with right now...meaning my friends. all of them are no longer virgins. this is not a big deal, it is more of the fact that they have surpased where i am in the grand scheme of relationships. my close friends (That i've known basically forever) are more like me, and i think that is influencing how i think alot, since i haven't been hanging out with them lately.

i won't tell you my exact age..but it may be mentioned somewhere in my other entries (i'm not sure), i will just say i'm in my early 20s...university age.
 

I will start off by answering your question: should you reveal your virginity to the guys you date? No– while I’m all about honesty in relationships, it is your approach that likely scared away your last interest. You place an extremely high importance on who will share your first sexual experience. In general, the problem that comes about when a sexually-experienced guy takes the virginity from a girl is that she tends get overly wrapped-up in the moment. These emotions of intimacy, closeness, and connection that she feels are generally not shared by him. Some guys don’t have a problem with this– you should avoid these types– but the good ones feel guilty that what they shared with you wasn’t nearly as important to them as it was to you. To avoid this guilt, they pass on dating virgins. Also, reading your “Denise’s Secret” entry, it appears that you get swept up in a relationship very quickly. This can also scare a guy off– and the virginity thing just adds to it. I, too, have this tendency to overly invest myself in a relationship. It can scare girls away, too.

I have a friend who, when she was your age, remedied her “virginity problem” by sleeping with a guy who she didn’t have any emotional connection with. She quickly wrapped herself up in the relationship, had sex with him, and realized that he wasn’t a good choice. He was definitely a nice guy, but just wasn’t her type. She regrets dating him, but she doesn’t regret losing her virginity to him. She realizes now that sex is not such a big deal, and that the proposition of it will come easily to her in her future relationships. While this isn’t an ideal solution, she did realize that the importance on virginity is misplaced. It is your way of getting wrapped-up in a relationship so quickly that can scare guys off. You can say that you’re a virgin, but down-play its importance to you.

This all comes back to my advice for you to relax. It’s advice I need to take myself sometimes, and I think it will help you.
 

ok anon.

i definitely do think i get swept up in things quickly...but maybe that is due to in-experience or something...i don't really know - if there was some way to keep it from happening, i'd do it - guaranteed. at any rate, thanks for the advice - i'm not saying you have completely changed my mind, but it is interesting to have a guy's perspective - and maybe it will influence how i act next time.

p.s. do i get to know at all who you are?
 

Fernando- I have heard that quote many times before, but it is definitely a good one!

and no, unfortunately i can't read spanish!