Monday, October 23, 2006
your love's like tenesse tobacco - its killing me but all i want is more...
I don't understand why classes like the one i had this afternoon put me in this "I need to be in a relationship to be happy" kind of mood. It was a class on sexuality and the elderly, and i'm pretty sure the last time i was in this kind of mood b/c of school it was another class on sexuality. I mean, how can i be, i guess jealous, of an elderly person, just beacuse they are in a relationship? it just doesn't make sense. I want to find the person I want to spend the rest of my life with before its too late, and i'm sick of people telling me that either (a) if i stop looking, it will just happen, or (b) you're young, you shouldn't be worrying about that. Well the fact is, I am worrying, and I'm not really looking - I mean, I'm not out at the bar, or anywhere else, trying to pick up guys. Which leads to (c) you need to be more outgoing. well I can't be. I can't just strike up a conversation with some random guy. I'm not that kind of person. I think some of it has to do with the fact that I don't have the most perfect skin. I am working on it (thank you accutane), but i don't really see myself as a gorgeous, confident girl. I think i just need to stop caring about what other people think - but that is easier said than done.
The other thing i don't get is how so many people around this university are in relationships, and they aren't even the most gorgeous people. I mean, what is it i'm doing wrong? I don't get it.
Then I see this dad and his little kid (toddler age), which just compounded my feelings. I want kids, but I don't want to have to wait forever to find someone to have them with (given, I definetely don't want them right this second.).
I'm just so annoyed.
Comments:
Hi Denise. Let's see. I don't think that there is anything I can say to you that you don't already know deep down inside.
1. Yes there are lots of people in university in relationships. But how many of them are really happy and how many of them are still dating their asswipe high school boyfriend that is a complete idiot but they are still with because they are too scared to be alone?
2. You want to get married before you get to old. I get it. We are still young but that doesn't mean we couldn't find something great right now. That said, you could meet the man of your dreams tomorrow and be married in like, a year and a half. I always feel like I wouldn't really mind waiting as long as I knew when it was going to come. It's the uncertainty that sucks.
3. You don't need to be more outgoing. You are fantastic and some guy is going to fall head over heels for you. It's easier to say than believe, because I have the same problems, trust me.
At least you aren't head over heels for one of your best friends.
Carolyn
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1. Yes there are lots of people in university in relationships. But how many of them are really happy and how many of them are still dating their asswipe high school boyfriend that is a complete idiot but they are still with because they are too scared to be alone?
2. You want to get married before you get to old. I get it. We are still young but that doesn't mean we couldn't find something great right now. That said, you could meet the man of your dreams tomorrow and be married in like, a year and a half. I always feel like I wouldn't really mind waiting as long as I knew when it was going to come. It's the uncertainty that sucks.
3. You don't need to be more outgoing. You are fantastic and some guy is going to fall head over heels for you. It's easier to say than believe, because I have the same problems, trust me.
At least you aren't head over heels for one of your best friends.
Carolyn
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